Today has been a bad mommy day…
In fact, it’s been a bad mommy MONTH. Yes. MONTH. I’ve yelled and screamed and lost my patience more times than I can count.
But for perspective, I’ve read blogs and talked to other mamas and I’ve REACHED out.
Guess what I’ve learned?
We’re all struggling. And life? Well, it’s all relative. How I feel is relevant to what is going on in my life. My life is NOT difficult, per se. I mean, I just read a blog yesterday about a mama who lost her firstborn. So, compared to that?
Seriously, why should I ever complain? EVER? But I struggle. With everyday stupid shit.
I realize, I REALIZE. I know, I KNOW.
I should be so amazed and grateful. Sometimes I am. A LOT of times I’m not.
But guess what? I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re all fighting the fight. Unfortunately, that means some of us have tougher battles to fight. Some are given a completely RAW deal. Some are given a life of luxury, but feel empty. Some are in the middle. But the truth is WE ARE ALL MOMS. Doing the best with what we can and what we know.
So, why are we not more supportive? Why do we judge other mamas so harshly?
Because we want to do it “RIGHT.” That’s why.
What’s ironic is there IS no “right.”
Everyone has it right for their situation!
Unless you are giving your kids heroine or beating them with a ROD, you will no longer receive judgment from me. Yes, I will judge you if you give your kids heroine. Well, and the rod thing…spanking is a whole branch of parenting I’m not willing to dive into, but if you hit your kids with a ROD. I will judge you. Unacceptable. Outside of the rod? Don’t ask my opinion. It’s not my business. Ha. But the heroine?
I should judge you.
But, if you parent differently than I do, JUST TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY, then who am I to judge? Who am I to tell you what is best for YOUR FAMILY? For yourself? For your kids?
I’m pretty sure you know your kids better than I do. Don’t get me wrong.
IF. IT. IS. ASKED. FOR… friendly advice is warranted and needed. However, if a friend/family member/adult/teacher, whatever….doesn’t ask for your advice?
DON’T GIVE IT. It’s unsolicited.
Just be there. Be there to listen. Be there to make your other person feel normal and loved. Offer what you can, which is humility and yourself and love. If they ask for your advice, let the floodgates open. But if they don’t…if they just need to vent. Don’t judge. Or better yet, don’t judge out loud. JUST LOVE.
Sometimes we think we have the right advice. Our intentions mean well. Sometimes we think we have the right words. But, we don’t always. And that’s ok too. Sometimes we just need to let another mama know that, while we live different lives, and have different struggles, we ARE HERE. Here to love. Here to listen . HERE. TO. SUPPORT.
Enough with the mommy battles. Enough of the trying to fit in. Enough of the feeling like we have to be goddamn Stepford families. Enough. And when I say all of this I’m mostly speaking to myself. I have been the biggest culprit of everything I preach against. Because I am insecure. Because I question my “mommy” skills. Because I want to do it “right.”
Well, no more. I refuse to be a product of this mommy war. I refuse. It’s unacceptable. Especially when essentially we’re all just trying to give our kids the best and hope they don’t end up costing us thousands of dollars in therapy and institutions. Am I right?